its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
