So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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