I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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