If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
