your thong is hanging out like whoa
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
