Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
