Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I just found puke in my bra..
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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