Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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