i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
