what if every blade of grass was a penis?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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