So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
