Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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