I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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