I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
