He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
