The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
