Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
