fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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