If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
