Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
