im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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