Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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