I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
