Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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