I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
she woke up with a sticky ear
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
