Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
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