u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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