So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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