Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
