***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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