Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
