Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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