Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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