I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
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