I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
