Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Randomize
