So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
