the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
