I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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