what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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