This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
