Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
