1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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