just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
