Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I haven't been this sober since birth.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
