Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
