I have demons in me.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Randomize
