I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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