I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
