Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
