All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize
