you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
