If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
