But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
