$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
