everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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