If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
